No pulse no problem, Dr LAU here to save the day

I have always feel been beaten down, so lethargic, not caring for anything or anyone. Till that day, which I will never forget, and that incident had remind me all the good things I have done as a doctor and all the bad, which include really saving lives and direct or indirectly taking lives.
Why lethargic, why beaten down; simple answer actually, following the same routine never to move out of things set in guidelines, just to meet your other peer opinion. As time goes on, you will start to become apathy, thinking life is just life without meaning and death having no impact whatsoever. However for a long time working in ED and sadly also the one taking care of mortuary, you soon see the impact it has. When you just look at the cool body and treating it as an object, sadly MO of ED in Sibu also have to face their family member, you then look in their eye of their love one, the disbelief and the sadness, also sometimes their guilt for not taking their complaint seriously, you then thinking once in their life before they were happy together like I am now with someone. Now the hard cold fact of that someone has left. You will now know the impact of death, and know the meaning of life.
Back to the main story, that day 7th august 2011, Sunday morning. A patient came in complaining of severe chest pain, the usual, did ECG, walla STEMI. So the routine starts, call medical to start streptokinase, call x-ray for portable, and so forth. Unfortunately the poor guy collapse while giving streptokinase, which once a while happens. But what is different is I notice even during asystole, he still maintaining his basic function which is to fight back. So knowing his brain is well perfuse with CPR, and the heart asystole owning to too much electrical shock. Is best to just continue cpr and waiting for the heart to revive. To hasten the revival of the heart, I order for dopamine and bolus adrenaline, from experience to prime the heart for adrenaline. True enough it really work, his heart later start kicking back and been maintain on adrenaline. So 2 days later, his is alive and well. Thanks to me, hihihihi, and the rest.
This good experience remind me and taught me that I ain’t some ordinary doctor, and actually better than most of the people, no wonder as houseofficer there are actually MO who are jealous of me and MO who respect me. Now I see. So to those who think they are smart, don’t think so, because you are not, there are more things than your shallow knowledge in been a doctor, it is call detail heart and spontaneous.

never giving up

No matter where or how bad any place will be, no matter how much others take advantage of me i will endure. One day our lord shall come and show them all his wrath. I will endure like how me ancestor did, all their fighting to make their children life better. Hence i will never give up, my father and mom has fight soo much; thought they are also the ones that hurt me the most i still will endure for them. For a better tomorrow i shall endure. Endure till death, endure like i always did, never give up, never, never give up.

Growing up

Remember when u were young , small, and weak. u will need the protection of someone; however when u grow older under protection for too a long time. You strated to feel been restricted, chained down to something or by something. So you yern to break free to breath the so call new air.

i used to wander as a Houseman, as to when will be given the right to made decision to decide upon the life of someone. Always blaming others, thinking if i were the one working on it, i could have save the patient or made his life much better.

well, after his blessing i was given the chance; but now i remember only under the guidance or protection of someone can you truly feel bliss. The so call invisible chain when think back is actually never a chain but string with someone pulling at the end to guide you down the right path. ironic, this actually can be picture as a poor cow been drag against his will.

so now i got what i wanted to do everything on my own, let's pray for the best and hope nothing happen.

To a new hope

2th August, a fateful day, the day i left my usual world to a new land without knowing. Here am I ,in the land of hornbills,Sarawak, till today.
For the moment i am still breathing, surviving under all his almighty grace, and his blessings.
Now every decision i made affect the life of a living fellow mate; things which i do not know i still have to procede. Oh god, forgive this poor soul of his sinful act. Every time i discharge a patient i discharge base on my premature knowledge of mine.
I may very well know the fact that they will need further monitoring and treatment, however with such limited resources and experience i have to made this judgment.
So far nothing has happen, but i hope really nothing will happen. Tomorrow should be better i guess, let us all hope for the best.

Rome

An old series which I should have watched a long time ago, too bad only recently had I have the time, while waiting for work to knock on your door. The series is about the time before the down fall of Rome. It was told by the view of 2 soldiers friend, a centurion and an private. Both entangle by fate and go through a historical journey of how Julius Ceasor become a dictator. The centurion been smart later become a senator, while the private resigned and become a common citizen. What makes me like this story is that the centurion been clever and having everything in the end lost everything, while the simple minded private having nothing in the end gain everything in abundance. It clearly showed fortune always fall upon the simple minded, too bad in real life the simple minded are always been tortured. I just hope god could have been a little bit merciful towards me, me as always straight and dump never understand anything always hoped to have been blessed by his great almighty. However it seems people around me who has always been as cunning as fox got what they wanted, I should not name any of them but most are once friends of mine which I will never considered them a friends anymore. Maybe the time had not come yet, maybe I should just wait, as god says the man who had the last laugh will be the best.

Another great song

Just in case people mistaken me as a war craze which I think I am, or having some tyranny in me, the truth is there is still much sentiment in me, so here is song by 3 doors down. Enjoy this once in a lifetime great song.

Never coming home

This is a very sad video song, seeing all the teenagers dream just die off in the battlefield. This was so touching, somehow it is related to me as I feel an eternal sadness surrounds me, an atmosphere which could never be lifted, but that was just how my life is and has been since childhood. Never mind me, I still precious my life and wont not do anything stupid, so enjoy this video by my chemical romance, the ghost of you.

What do they want ?

The world today is still want it seems to be during the cold war, and it is obvious by today's drama at the international arena, where there is a uproar about China's many issues. Everything is still the same, ever since i was a secondary school child, china has always been picked on by many nation especially western countries. The real reason behind all this agenda, is that European still have that so called "racial pride", which they pride them self in many things including human rights and so on. In fact this pride was nothing more than a hollow belief that they are the strong because they still practice "Darwin's law of nature", that the strong must feed on the weak leading to colonization, from there borne their so called pride, till now that colonial thinking is still engrave into their young minds. This human right and other law are nothing more than just their act of hypocrisy. Till now in USA, the blacks have still been persecuted and look down at, only their media have been cleverly covering it up. If that is not the case, then why would Olbama's priest made such racist sermon. Clearly in their society the line between black and white are still obvious.

Ever since China uprising, it was a slap on the European's pride, they wonder how could an Asia country be that strong, even Russian prime time during the cold war was not a big slap as this. Ever since predict China's economic fall, social unrest, and many more, which all did not happen. Then they start lying their hands on Taiwan, which now have been solved. Then on the two ethnic region, xinjiang and tibet, wanting china to give them more autonomy, which is nonsense, tell me who would like to give their own state more autonomy so to pave the way to declare independence? Then they said separating a country would the best for all, which i read from a article in Newsweek. Here is the statement " Another nonsense, tell have Indian and Pakistan ever in peace? Why would their father, Gandhi wanted their country to be in 1 peace? This was a tactic practice by our European friend, called divide and conquer. Look at the example left behind, look at Russia, now Russia have its tail bitten times after times by ethnic Albania, causing social unrest.

My friends, how long must we put on to this, how long must we bear the pain, we must end this atrocities by not believing in them, we must judge on our own. The fact is there and obvious, we cannot succumb to their teaching then been blind folded, we must wake up. I do not denial the fact that China have issues but which country don't, what we must see is the plot behind all this. It is true that in our Chinese culture human rights was treated as rubbish and it was like that over the generation ever since we Chinese live under the feudal times. It will be something that only time will change it, but to say it is not there is never true because that was the basic of teaching of Confucius and his disciples. Too bad it that part of it was not practice by our forefathers.

What made me more sad my friend is the fact we Malaysian Chinese were look at by our own race, westernize and useless. We are only known for our multilingualism but furthermore we have no more other role to play. It is very clear Chinese here in Malaysia don't care about their own race's fate. Everyday living in their own world, calling other Chinaman, separating them self from other so called Chinaman, as if they have nothing to do with it. Wrong man, and i call tell u, u idiots, u have that blood and u cant escape that fact, and if you are sad been Chinese fine go live in another place of the world where there is no Chinese and called yourself a new race. To you banana people, I am proud to be a Chinese at least my brothers in America seems to think like me, and I am proud of the things we Chinese have.